


The Cat Burglar

by TheWriterTriad



Series: Splatoon Oneshots [2]
Category: Splatoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 05:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15550863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWriterTriad/pseuds/TheWriterTriad
Summary: Sheldon's quest to invent a new kind of weapon leads him to Museum D'alfonsino with a somewhat sinister purpose in mind.Written by Shads





	The Cat Burglar

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this oneshot was first conceived by someone in the SWC discord group that I'm a part of. All credit for the original idea goes to them, and I apologize for not remembering your name...

In the richer section of downtown Inkopolis, nestled in between skyscrapers and parking lots, lay the sprawling complex of Museum d’Alfonso. The fine arts and cultural museum was a tourist destination, filled with paintings, sculptures, and exhibits revolving around the history of art. The place also doubled as a Turf War arena, closing off the garden gallery every so often so the youth of Inkopolis could splat each other to their little hearts’ content.

But that was what it was used for during the day when it was open to the public. At night, well, the museum prided itself on being one of the most secure places in Inkopolis. There were motion sensors everywhere, a state of the art alarm system, and cameras trained on every room. This was arguably the best-secured place in all of Inkopolis, aside from perhaps the Squid Sisters’ high rise apartment.

Of course, these all served as deterrents to would-be thieves, for the most part. Then again, there would always be a few people that subscribed to the belief that everything was theirs for the taking. One such evolved sea creature was currently scaling the side of the building, dressed all in dark-colored hues. Given his manner of attire and method of entering the building, it was obvious that he wasn’t supposed to be there.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.” The thief hissed to himself as he clambered towards the top of the structure. “Oh, what would my grandpappy Amos think of me?”

Yes, it was Sheldon, the horseshoe crab owner of Ammo Knights. Now one might wonder what the respectable, law-abiding resident of Inkopolis was doing breaking into the Museum. It certainly was not a place for anyone to be this late at night. Perhaps he was looking to pick up a painting or sculpture to sell to some shady dealer. It was a logical conclusion to draw, given his matter of entering the building.

Sheldon smiled as he reached the top of the building. The horseshoe crab couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to come up with this idea. But now was not the time for him to throw a pity party. Right now, Sheldon had a job to do, and he was going to accomplish it.

“Now then, let’s see what we’re dealing with,” Sheldon muttered to himself, sliding a filter over his goggles. Infrared laser beams suddenly sprang to life in his vision as everything was coated in a red area.

“Heh, that’s not going to work.” The horseshoe crab smirked before carefully working his way past the laser beams, being careful not to break any of them. After all, setting off the alarm wouldn’t be any good. Sheldon really didn’t want to go to jail, that would only stain his reputation among the citizens of Inkopolis. And what would his grandpappy think of his grandson harming the family name?

No, being captured by the police was not a good thing. In fact, in Sheldon’s mind, this wasn’t even an option. He was a genius, after all. The plan he had come up with was completely foolproof, though in truth that might have been his arrogance speaking. No plan, after all, had a hundred percent chance of being successful, but to Sheldon his did.

Now, what exactly was this plan? After all, it was a bit odd that the weapon’s dealer had broken into Museum d’Alfonso. Then again, perhaps it wasn’t that odd. Developing new weapons took lots of money, and then manufacturing them cost even more. It was wholly possible that Sheldon had sustained losses he had hidden from the public, losses so great that the founder of Ammo Knights couldn’t possibly recoup them without sharply raising the price of his goods or taking drastic measures.

Now, drastic measures could mean any sort of things, like robbing a bank or staging a kidnapping of some wealthy citizen of Inkopolis. But it could also mean that Sheldon quite possibly was planning on stealing one of the many famous paintings that resided inside of Museum d’Alfonso. And oh, there were several to choose from - the Mako Lisa, of course, being the most well-known one. No doubt the director of the museum would be very interested in getting any of the paintings back, no matter the price.

But in truth, Sheldon wasn’t planning on stealing a mere painting. He wasn’t a lover of fine arts and didn’t have any notions of becoming an art thief. No, while he was planning on stealing things, paintings weren’t on his list. His actual target was much less glamorous.

“Sheldon, you’re a genius.” The horseshoe crab said to himself as he ducked into a camera’s blind spot. “Now to continue on with my plan…”

He continued to sneak deeper into the building, eventually reaching the open courtyard where the museum held ink battles. The spinning walls were shut off for the night, and the grounds were pristinely cleaned so that the glass cases shone. Right now it looked to be a place for the fancier and higher ranking members of society rather than the rabbles of youth who would come tearing through the place and coat it in ink. But at the moment Sheldon couldn’t really be bothered to care about how glitzy the place looked. No, he was here on a mission and he had to accomplish it.

Stealthily he crept through the area, ducking and dodging any stray infrared beams. Most of them were concentrated around the paintings, meaning that they were quite easy to avoid. Only a few of them pierced the battlefield, and there was ample space around them for the crab to slip by. His eyes searched the area, looking for one thing and one thing only. There it was, tucked behind one of the larger bushes in the courtyard area. With a smirk he stealthily crept across the large green space, being careful to stay outside the range of the cameras.

“Oh, this is perfect...Grandpappy would be so proud of me.” Sheldon smirked as he carefully set about pilfering his target. “This is going to be the biggest thing to hit Inkopolis since I debuted the splatlings.”

Once the horseshoe crab deemed that he had taken enough of his target, the young man stealthily shut the door before starting to make his way out of the museum. His little heist may have gone off without a hitch but he still had a lot of work to do before the night was over.

* * *

“Welcome to Ammo Knights!”

Sheldon scurried over to the door as a group of fresh looking inklings walked through the doors. A few of them nodded to him in greeting as they perused the shop, picking up weapons here and there to inspect them. The shopkeeper held his breath as a few of them caught sight of his newest product and wandered on over to look at it.

“...a bucket?” The only girl of the group frowned and picked it. “Why are you selling buckets, Sheldon?”

“I’m so glad you asked that!” Sheldon scurried on over to them, snatching up another slosher to proudly show it off. “This, my fine cephalopods, is the newest weapon type that I have invented: the slosher! Great for covering ink and splatting people, and then with the sub and special weapons you can really shift the weapon towards a more offensive or defensive playstyle. We’ve got several models available right now - for example, the one that this young lady has is the tri-slosher! It’s got three separate tanks for ink inside of it for maximum horizontal coverage, and with the disruptor and the bubbler it’s easy for this to be a defensive powerhouse.”

“...it looks like a bucket…”

“Yeah, come to think of it, doesn’t it look like the buckets the jellyfish janitors use over at Museum d’Alfonsino?”

Upon hearing those words, Sheldon paled. They couldn’t have found about his little heist already, had they? If so that would be disastrous! His reputation, down the drain, and all over a few buckets he had “borrowed” to make the first few sloshers. Right about now he was starting to regret not having the patience to wait for the supplies he had ordered to come in before making the weapons.

“It must be a coincidence. Janitorial buckets don’t have the strength to hold up in a turf war,” Sheldon stammered.

The other inklings looked at him flatly, no doubt not convinced with his little cover-up. Eventually, though, the girl holding the tri-slosher sighed.

“Well, I’ve been wanting to try something out aside from my squiffer for a while...you said it had disruptors and the bubbler in the set?”

“Yes indeed miss! If that’s not too your liking I do have a few other sets with di-”

“That’s fine, I’ll take this one,” she interrupted, looking for a price tag. Upon finding it she pulled out the proper amount of money and set it on the counter. “Come on boys, let’s go see how this bucket holds up in turf wars.”

“Slosher...it’s a slosher…” Sheldon mumbled to himself as they left the shop, breathing a sigh of relief. “Man...I didn’t think they’d realize it…Sheldon, you’re an idiot...if they find out I stole some of those buckets from the Museum the authorities will have my hide...”


End file.
